Archive for May, 2007


Square One Blues

May 31, 2007

So right now I am feeling down.

Several areas of my life are back to square one: My roommates are gone; My life is now falling back into place after being turned upside down, first by having my sewer line collapse, and then by having my back yard dug into a trench to replace it; and the second service has been launched at church and that campaign is over.

My roommates are gone.  Yay, I have my house back to myself, well, after I clean up the mess that they left behind.  I do have consolation that I have some free gifts that they left behind that I probably won’t throw out.  Will I do the roommate thing again? Probably not, but we’ll see how my giver spiritual gift handles that one.

My sewer line has been replaced.  This one is a relief, an aggravation, and a blessing.  This is a relief because I can actually do laundry, dishes, showers, and other normal sewer related activities without worrying about having flooding in my basement.  However, I am aggravated at the plumbing company for leaving things undone (I have a big section of concrete missing from next to my house, my deck/patio is in the middle of my yard, and I am not sure on whether or not they plan on reassembling my fence where they removed it).  But all in all this experience has been a blessing and a learning experience.  I am blessed that I was able to replace my waterline at the same time for a fraction of the cost of if I were to get it done later, and it really needed to be replaced.  Also, directly from this experience, I was able to make some great connections with “curious” neighbors, and I even became pretty decent friends with one of them.

The second service campaign is finished–well I still need to salvage some of the pieces from it.  However, with it concluding, I feel as though I am loosing where I fit in.  Sure I am a good designer and I can design, but I think I am realizing that, like a/v, I don’t enjoy it as much as I thought, but it aggravates me more when it is done badly, and so I find myself doing it (my administrator is clashing with my server).  Perhaps this is a temporary phase, since several simultaneous things are going on right now and in time things will likely smooth out and taper off, however right now, whether it is real or imagined, I feel like I am being belittled out of an opinion because I am at a different, “unacceptable,” stage of life, caught in a black hole between the “college students who must know” and the “experts of 15-20 years who have to know.”  Perhaps this is just an area of hidden pride that I need to resolve and all these reasons for me being pissed off are just a figment of my imagination.  Anyways, I feel like I am loosing my place in the puzzle; that the puzzle is changing to something that I don’t fit into, and it’s bringing me back to square one, for the hundreth time.

To top it all off, I am into my second week of my late night shift.  Hopefully I can get my biological clock set to a new timezone soon.  I’ll be on nights for a while, so once I can get my biological clock moved, I should be a lot happier with life.  It is quite probable that these square one blues are partly due to my lack of quality sleep.

Thanks for reading.  This blog was mainly written to help me clear my thoughts.

Have a great rest of your day.