My Pride and I

March 17, 2007

Pride. I have it. You may or may not have seen me with it. I think it has masked itself pretty well, at least to me, behind a cloud of bitterness and skill, with a touch of rebellion in the mix.

Several weeks ago, I went through some steps to help me resolve bitterness in my life that I was carrying from my past. I even wrote a blog shortly afterwards about how my heart disappeared into a black-hole emptiness feeling.

Now, I come to the next large rock in my path: Pride.

Tonight I learned that there are two different types of pride: Obvious Pride and Hidden Pride. Obvious pride, the one usually associated with the term, is focused on myself and on lifting me up. While saying I am good with computers or with sound equipment is probably not prideful, saying that I am the best in this area, or that I am better than you are, is.

The other type of pride—hidden pride—is a little harder for me to come to grips with, mainly because it is where my pride is mostly at. Hidden pride is pride that focuses on me and on my pain. It is when I become so self-centered on myself and feeling sorry for me that I can’t relate to others.

This defines me pretty well when I am feeling either agitated or depressed. I like throwing a pity party for myself whenever I am especially down and I’ll either end up turning overtly antisocial, or if not that, I’ll mope around, often times sub-consciously trying to pull others down to where I am at.

Pride even embodies a remarkably similar characteristic that I experienced when I gave up my bitterness, and it rang a bell to me, really alerting me of this fact, which happened when it got described like a black-hole-like effect. Pride ultimately wants to suck all the attention from others to me, which ultimately ends up leaving them dry and me not full.

Perhaps the bitterness from my past helped give me a blind-spot or distraction to me realizing my pride issue. Perhaps it is pride that is keeping my heart from fully healing my pain from the lost bitterness. I really am not sure. It may very well be both of the above.

I do know that pride is a key, quite likely the most common one, that will lock up any chance of resolution for any of the other areas of our lives. It is up there among the big three or four hard hitting issues that face everyone at one time or another.

However there are several (very likely more than I list here) Biblical principles to keep us from becoming proud:

1. Never draw attention to your achievements. — Proverbs 27:2 (I personally have a hidden pride issue in this area specifically that I am going to deal with.)

2. Do not view yourself too highly. — Romans 12:3, 16

3. Always give God credit. — 1 Corinthians 1:29

4. Focus on loving others and not yourself/myself. — 1 Corinthians 8:1

5. Reject every thought that exalts itself against or above God. — 2 Corinthians 10:5

6. Work towards humility. — James 4:6

I’m sure there are way more, but I’m sure you get the point: Pride isn’t good.

I am convinced now that this blind area of hidden pride in my life, coupled with miscommunication, are the main reasons for my not having many relationships, or many close friends.

Perhaps, after doing the exercises to free myself from this sin, I will finally be able to feel healed inside.

I’ll keep you posted.


One comment

  1. I appreciate your honest sharing Cam!

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