How having a best friend when I was young didn’t screw me up for life.

February 24, 2007

A select few of you have followed my blogging back to close to the beginning, and if you remember, a while ago I wrote a blog about how having a best friend when I was young screwed me up for life. (This was during my myspace blogging days and so it isn’t in the wordpress archive.)

Well I was wrong.

I did have a friend, a best friend, who ended up stabbing me in the back. While at camp one summer, my whole cabin of campers (which included him) decided that I would be the one to harass, and while I won’t go into specifics (which included some pretty twisted stuff), I will say that I was very hurt that he joined in some of the hurting, and just did nothing for the rest of it. He openly made it clear to me that here at camp, he would be my friend, but only as long as it was apart from the rest of the cabin of bullies. I am not sure where the counselor was at the time, but needless to say, no correction happened. It ruined my week and I ended up calling home to have my dad come and pick me up on Friday instead of Sunday.

Tonight marks a changing point in my life. I feel that this event is one of the things that has caused feelings of bitterness inside, bitterness that I may pass off to other sources, but very likely a bitterness that kept me from having many close friends ever since than.

In fact, if I have had a close guy friend since that point, it has only been one guy, maybe two, but our lives have drifted us apart. I have some great friends from high school and college that I am meeting again via myspace, but I am now beginning to see more clearly how this rooted bitterness lead up and contributed to not really being able to open up towards guys ever since that point.

I also remember that shortly afterwards, while testing the waters of trust and friendship, another potential guy-friend openly blabbed a “secret” to the whole school, and so in part, that closed me up even further.

There is no way for either of these two individuals to even come close to repaying the emotional debt that I feel they might owe me, but it doesn’t matter anymore because I am assuming their debt. Here in this blog (and in the workbook) I am stating that from this point onward, they don’t owe me anything. I won’t state their names here, because I know and God knows who they are.

To add another group to this, I also forgive and will assume the debt for a small group of “friends” who during my freshman year of college came to me and told me that they no longer wanted to be my friend. That event stabbed me hard and in the same place as when I was younger, perhaps maybe even harder. From this point on, I am releasing and assuming any debt I feel that this group owes me and no apology is necessary. Like before, I won’t state their names, but God and I both know who they are.

I encourage any of you who are reading this, that if there is any unresolved bitterness or resentment in your heart towards someone, stop feeling like they owe you something, because once you can give up a little pride and forgive them of their debt, those feelings will vanish.

This is the first step in a process that I am going through to help clean up any emotional baggage I might be dragging around from the past. I don’t know if I’ll write blogs about all of it, but for those of you who know me, this process will most likely revolutionize me as a person.


One comment

  1. WOW! I really know how that goes, thanks for writting this blog CAM, it’s really gotten me to realize things in my life, i’ve been stabbed in the back, so many times by a best friend then finally I JUST GAVE UP being their friend even t ho i forgive them for doing it, it doesnt bother me anymore. But if i see someone that is like this person, i’ll just go the other way. YEt, there is still ONE very important person, who i havent forgiven.. Who i want too..But it’s hard!

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