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I’m Boring: (I’m Out—pt 2)

February 17, 2007

After the experiences surrounding the blog entitled I’m Out, God lead me to pick up a book that I have had in my possession for a while, but had never read. This was the second book that I decided to read while being super angry and frustrated, but it ended up being the one that had what I needed to read. The book was Wild At Heart.

I received it as a gift, along with whoever else in the guys dorm at Union wanted a copy, and so without thinking much of, I decided to get one because it was free and it might be a good, or at least worthwhile read. For some reason or another, probably a combination of my laziness, unmotivatedness, and the fact that I didn’t need to read it to earn a grade, I left it on the shelf, or in a box, collecting dust.

After receiving it, I had a few opportunities to read it, but the circumstances were never right, and so two Wednesdays ago, while the machines were running at work, I picked it up and started it.

Long story short, I finished soon after (would have been the next night, but I didn’t realize that I stopped short a chapter and so it was read over 48 hours instead of 24) and it was exactly what I needed to hear. The only downside is that I read it over too short of a period of time for it to really be effective, but it did give me an idea about why I don’t feel how I think I should. (I am now re-reading it, but slower and in smaller chunks this time.)

Wild at Heart basically pointed out to my mind’s eye that I am a boring person. I have kinda known this for a little while now, but the book made a case for some of the reasons for why I would be angry at myself for being bored. The book also made a case for one possible reason for God not having revealed a significant other for me by this point in my life, namely that, while I have a career and a means to support a wife, I don’t have the adventure in my life that I need to have. It is either that, or the other idea, which is because I have just been too lazy to actually fight for any of the girls I have liked in the past few years. (Perhaps it is the downside of a really bad breakup from a few years ago.)

I really don’t know though. God could have an entirely different reason for keeping her identity hidden from me. I can really only speculate at this point. I can say that I won’t try to put on a facade to make myself more adventurous or crazy with the hopes that it would attract a girl for me. I am not sure how much I will actually go “wild” at least initially, because I am trying to be as cheap as possible while I work to break free of debt.

To give my readers a little idea of my debt hole, it amounts to around $37,000, and I am realistically giving myself four years to pay it off. So to give all of you a heads up, I probably will avoid fun if it costs money for the next few years. In my mind, the more diligent and frugal/cheap I am now, the less I will end up paying in interest and the shorter the cheap part of my life will be. (My ambitious goal is to have it all gone in three years instead of the realistic four.)

After the debt is gone, then I will give myself more room for fun. Maybe God is holding off my girl while I get my life sorted out and debts paid. I really don’t know. All I can really do is trust in Him and try and not go crazy with loneliness.

Wild at Heart may not be the reason why I don’t have a girl. Maybe I need to get back to the place where I don’t feel like I need a significant other. That would be nice. I miss those days. Maybe I am really not ready to love someone right now as a significant other. What if I am in the right place for me but she isn’t in the right place for her?

Lots of random rambling thoughts. Sorry if I am boring you, but I did give you a warning to that effect: “I’m Boring.”

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